The Question

As he walked along the path that the cool summer evening he felt an unrest growing deep within his soul. He searched his thoughts of the day to find the source of this feeling and then he realized he was not alone. He looked around but no one was in sight, but he could not shake the feeling that someone or something was close to him.
And then he recognized it was an old friend, a thought, or more specifically, a question that he had considered so many times in the past. They had spent so much time together over the years that he had given him the name, The Question. It had been a couple of months since they had conversed and he wasn’t sure he was glad that his old friend had come back at this moment to disturb the quietness of the evening. But then, The Question never minded coming at the most inopportune time and normally stayed past a reasonable hour.
He thought about the first time they met. He was sitting in his living room watching a video when he first heard The Question. And while he remembered the event very clearly, he never had an idea that they would become such close companions on this journey.
So, he began to turn The Question over in his mind, much the same as he had so many times before. He knew he did not have a good response for The Question and yet he could not escape the struggle he faced with a simple, ‘I do not know!’
He thought of that day a few months ago he had come to the realization that he had been turning The Question over in his mind for so long it had been worn smooth, like a stone in a rock tumbler. There were no longer any edges, corners or crevices in The Question where he could get a hold. It seemed that whenever he tried to grasp it firmly it would slowly slip between his fingers and begin again to pierce his soul with the agility of an enemy very familiar with all his defenses.
And so he continued walking down the path, knowing that The Question would leave, but also that he would be back.

Wanderer101

Standing

As I was walking along the path I noticed him up ahead. He was just standing there, quiet, and all alone. I wondered what he was doing there but knew it was somehow better to allow him the space to just be. As I approached him he turned and looked at me. I saw in his eyes the pain and struggle and burdens of life and I knew at that moment the reason he was there, standing on the edge. I knew he was struggling with the question, 'Should I just do it? Should I take that next step? I understood the battle raging deep within his being , I wanted to help him, to bring comfort to his soul. But I understood that my words would ring hollow in his ears. I knew he must have heard so many words, so many suggestions by well-intentioned friends and probably many words of condemnation by those along the way who were not so well-intentioned.
So, when I came to him I simply stopped and stood there next to him, without words, just standing. We stood there, quiet, simply sharing presence and then very slowly he turned and looked into my eyes. I felt the depth of his pain and struggle and at that moment I felt our hearts being joined by a force greater than either of us. I knew I was on that path at that moment for this encounter. It was to be my role to bear his burden with him, to offer care and comfort in the midst of the battle.
As we stood there I could sense the intensity of his struggle subsiding as I felt the added weight and woundedness of his soul now pressing down on me as I accepted that small part of his burden. Healing was beginning to come to his inner being.
And then I offered him my hand and he stepped over the edge, onto the path and joined me on the journey to knowing Jesus, to knowing the love of Jesus that is so immense that it transcends the very limits of all we can know.
He never looked back at the darkness of the dense underbrush from which he had emerged, at the emptiness of the forms he had so desperately tried to embrace for healing. He never again wanted to sacrifice the freedom he now felt for the bondage of that empty ritual.
Wanderer101

Can you hear me now?

There I was, standing on the edge of the room, watching, listening, looking in the faces of those around me. And then, I noticed him across the room, standing quietly.
The mind is an odd thing I know, and that is the only explanation I can give for the next moment. For some reason I was watching that Verizon commercial in my mind and hearing that guy say, ‘Can you hear me now?’
As I looked closer at his eyes and face it was like he was crying out that same phrase. He was standing silently in the midst of so many and yet no one was hearing. The pain and sorrow he felt deep within his soul had filled his eyes with a sadness. He was crying out with all the force he could gather, and yet, no words were coming out. Somehow the depth of his sorrow could find no words. And so, he stood quietly, crying out for someone to join him on this journey.
As I stood there watching him, I saw another pause for a moment before him and ask that non-question, ‘How’s it going?’ I saw him put on that non-smile and respond with that non-answer, ‘Everything is going well, thanks.’ And the line from the commercial came back to mind, ‘Can you hear me now?’ And I knew that he was asking that same question. No, not with the imagery of the commercial in his thoughts, but deep within him he was wondering, ‘Can anyone hear me now?’
Wanderer101

Fallen Comrades

There they were, gathered in the soft glow of the rising sun, sitting, and kneeling quietly as they waited for the final news of the battle. It had been an intense fight and everyone knew that some had not survived. A few were looking, searching for friends and fellow soldiers, peering into the shadows, hoping, wondering, had they survived? Would their name be read by their leader as one of the many fallen? Others just sat quietly, looking down, feeling the weight of the battle pressing down upon them, and the sadness that comes from losing friends and fellow soldiers. A sense of the impending lose seemed to ebb and flow over those who remained. Deep within the heart of some, in the secret places that only they knew about, a part of them secretly rejoiced that they had survived the battle, and yet, how could they enjoy that moment when the sorrow was pressing in all around them? A quietness filled the air as they waited, waited for the final news that would come when the sun was fully risen and this new day began.
Wanderer101

Alone

I was never so alone as when I was sitting in the midst of people.

There I was, sitting in the middle of a group of people and suddenly realizing how alone I was. How could I be in the midst of so many people I know and at the same time be so lonely? I had felt tinges of this sensation at different times before, but somehow this moment was new and unique. Maybe it was just that I had a glimpse of the reality and saw through the façade of my connectness to those around me. Or was it just that my soul was feeling the reality of a pain that finally surfaced in my conscious thought? The reality that I was able to move in the midst of these people and yet not be touched by them was suddenly very clear to me. I became aware of the empty space that seemed to be present between us, even if it could not be seen by human eyes. Suddenly, for that moment, I realized that at some place on my journey something had happened, and it was not good. It was like my eyes were open for just a small space in time to see the ties that binds us together as a family and I knew had lost those connections. For that instant the depth of my loneliness came crushing down like a weight on my soul and I knew.
And then I heard him say, please stand and we will sing a closing song before we are dismissed.

Lillies of the Field

Mat 6:28-30 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, (29) yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. (30) But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

I recently purchased a yellow lilly and put it on our deck. It was so amazing to watch it bloom and see the magificent color. It made me think of the Creator who has given us so much beauty in His work. I have found it is so easy to become lost in the beauty of man's creations and somehow lose sight of the pure simple beauty of a flower.
The news is full of the pain, the suffering, the ugliness which seems to surround us and at times maybe even overwhelm us, but is the bad so great because I have forgotten to take time to smell the roses. Have I missed out on the true beauty of the created order, and as a result lost sight of the fact that God's creation is His way to reminding me that I just need to walk by faith and keep sight of the signs of His beauty along the path?
Wanderer101

The Voices

I was wondering the other day what it meant when I noticed that I had stopped wondering. Where and when did I stop hearing the voices challenging my thoughts, my views, my way of thinking? I must admit I miss hearing them and I miss the wondering about the depth of what it means to be a child of my Abba Father God.
Maybe the relationship is similar to my relationship to God. My Father does not force me to hear the voice of His Spirit even as that inner voice does not force me to hear the questions, the wonder, the realization of the possibility of living the empty form of programs rather than the intimacy of a love relationship.
So, today, I will endeavor to be still and hear the voice again, to be still and know that He is God and I am His child.
Wanderer101